she kept yelling 'call me bella'
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
