u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
