im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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