i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize