How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
