Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
