Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
