checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
