I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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