toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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