He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
