It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
