I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize