If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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