you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
