How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
it's like heaven, but drunker
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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