A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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