You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
