how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
