Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
ok first of all what the fuck
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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