mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
