Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
