STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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