remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
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