i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Randomize
