I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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