My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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