Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
