Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
