for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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