can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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