My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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