Can i not drive my cunt home
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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