i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
why do cheetos always look like penises
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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