6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
