Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
