why didn't you poke me back
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
