I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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