im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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