he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
