if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
