Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
