He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
God I need to hump something, right now.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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