guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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