We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
