It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
