Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
