remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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