Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you win again, gameday.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
