Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize