if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
