I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
