this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
