Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
