I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
