he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
