My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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