Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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