my vag is so smooth its legendary
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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