He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
