the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
