I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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