you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
