apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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