I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
