i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
