I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Randomize
