my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
His hands were made for my vagina.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
