I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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